So, someone in Olympia stole my credit card # last week and bought a platypus vibrator with it. That’s it.
YOU CAN MICROWAVE POPTARTS!?!??!
Sign #1 this conference will suck: Ice breaker question, how many proud virgins do we have in the room, overwhelming response. Looks like I'm not getting laid this weekend.
turns out the guy i was dating because he was a cop was not actually a cop. i learned this as he got arrested by real cops.
do you think they ever dumped Gatorade over Michael Vick's head after his dog won?
Just watched Hilary Duff have a three-some on Gossip Girl...all I could imagine was that LIzzie Maguire cartoon girl freaking out above their heads
He told me he had an exgf. and didnt follow up with"and now i like guys."
my mom hid the smirnoff from me. this is the most fucked up game of hide and seek EVER
It was like a little tadpole swimming in the big ocean.
I'm just not sure how to initiate the "do you want to have sex with my boyfriend and I" conversation
I don't know if its because i'm stoned or what but painting my kitchen yellow makes it look crooked
when was she peeing in the stairwell? why dont i remember this?
....because generally we only remember 40% of the night each, and have to fill eachother in. And that still leaves 20% that we will never know and its probably for the best
Hey could you buy me 2 bottles of arbor mist? I'm trying to get laid tonight
The worst decision I made last night was allowing myself to be duct taped to the ceiling
He is dating a girl who is on the Olympic shooting team...I've never been so scared to hit on a guy with a girlfriend in my entire life.
Randomize