this guy jus got head in a gas station bathroom from this fat chick with one leg
gross dude. was the guy blacked out drunk or something?
yeah and it only cost me 6 dollars
She just sent me a picture of a heart. I need to stop fucking freshman...
I had forgotten what it was like to go to all four classes. It's exhausting.
So many stories. To uyou are sober. I heart you though. Jesus. Dirrty dancing jusyt came oine!!no. Lie.
We made out for three hours. Then she said she didn't sleep with redheads and left the party. So yes, I'm still drinking.
I've gotta stop getting kicked out of bars for fighting with people over the accuracy of the Harry Potter movie.
Who's nuvaring is under my pillow?
Please. I don't care how shitty his fake life story was. As horny as I was I just wanted the prettiest man possible in case I accidentally got pregnant. He had blue eyes.
You pretended to pelvic thrust my mother on the boat while my 92 year old grandmother looked on. Thanks.
It's like your tits told gravity 'fuck you, I'm fine right here!'
A 74 year old man offered to let me sleep on his pull out couch last night.
fuck Derek. I choose weed. weed isn't angry and would never ask me to be someone I'm not.
Idk how I even got accepted into college because literally the only things my brain ever thinks about are YouTube videos of baby animals and sex.
He asked if I had any questions. Apparently, "how thick is the stick up your ass" was not a correct question.
I'm drinking on a Thursday because I can
Today is Wednesday you jobless drunk
Randomize
