I used a bag of wine as a pillow last night.
this coming from the guy that still thinks "pulling out" is a good form of birth control? just walk away
They are baked and once again have spent the last 45 mins talking about opening up a world wide business called "pickle on a stick"
I'm in class. I'm not opening a page with the words "death erection" in the link. There's people behind me lol.
I maybe just had sex outside in broad daylight. At a state park. Please be proud.
The girl behind me in psych just tapped me on my shoulder to tell me there was a condom wrapper in my hood.
No, man, we stole the housekeeper's key and we're just going room to room raiding mini fridges. Hurry
Logan has the vodka and snickers. We're making a run for it. Room 302
Friends don't let friends drunk sleep in the dorm common room
Pretend you're in a taco. That always helps me sleep.
Our DD will meet us there. The strippers are sending a limo to pick him up. He promised them New Years Eve massages. Said he would still drive us home.
Well I passed out before 4:20 on 4/20 so I deem it a failure AND a success.
I'M CUDDLING WITH MY CAT AND THAT GUY SENT ME A DICK PIC. UNANNOUNCED DICK PICS ARE TERRIFYING AND MY CAT WILL NEVER BE THE SAME
I'm excited I love mornings when I'm not sober
The ride home was alright, we hooked up in the street next to his car after he smashed into the guard rail
who knew rolling through the dorm on a scooter in footie pajamas would attract so many guys. he said i'm his soulmate.
Randomize
