can you pick up canola oil? she lives by wegmans
who is canola oil?
you're an idiot.
Im at a strip club, and the dancer just farted into my face. The bad part about that is I could taste the wings I bought her earlier
The look your mother gives you when she sees you masterbating on web cam is unlike any I've seen before, but this is a case where, I would say, ignorance is bliss.
I just looked at all of our spring break pictures... there's a guy getting a blow job in the background of the ones on the beach.
My neighbor caught me peeing on his rose bushes at 2 in the morning while wearing my Santa hat. My sex appeal has never been higher.
well... I just junk punched a carnie. Doesnt matter how, it still counts for my bucket list.
Yeah I'm at work. Nothing like the threat of blowing chunks on passing cars to make you feel alive.
Denim handjobs are the worst handjobs. I hate all handjobs. Why do people even.
Awkward, walking to my bootycall's hotel room and run into my dad leaving his. Just nodded to each other and went on our ways
Putting plan B on my parents credit card wasn't the smartest idea
so after 3 days of looking i found the keg...looks like somebody tried burying behind the garage
I would climb him like a jungle gym. Enthusiastically and creatively.
it was a 'fall asleep on the bathroom floor after puking bc the cold tile is legit more comfortable than your bed' kind of night.
Wanna guess where my charger was last night.....in my cooler with my beer. I put it in there because I knew I would never forget my beer.
Last night’s booty call turned into a cuddlefest. Get your game face on, we’re hunting dick tonight
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