HE had a tribal tattoo tramp stamp, jasmine.
my mom used to put diet coke in my bottle. i can pretty much handle anything.
oh good. ive just found out that i went downstairs at 6 am still blacked out and had a 30 minute conversation with my mom about the different ways to feed our dog
U asked everyone for their hoodies so u could "safely hug the cactus"
his face was nice enough, but his choice of footwear screamed columbian drug lord
We weren't even through customs yet, and we got offered weed. You would love Jamaica.
Hypothetically how does one go about throwing away a dildo?
Meant to have fun, ended up giving speech about consent to guy at bar. Feminist side feels happy. Orgasms side feels confused and betrayed.
Yea... The gym isn't gunna happen today... When I was drunk last night I tried to prove I could front flip off the wheel cover of a semi... I fucked up my shoulder pretty bad... It was more of a roll
THE PRUIS IN YOUR DRIVEWAY IS NOT YOURS
excuse me?
I accidentally borrowed your spare keys a while ago...i just tried them...that, my friend, is not your car.
If only I could bank my drunk hookups for a sober IOU.
True fear is being unable to remember where you hid your weed and vibrator in your parent's house.
you said you were the change fairy and you kept throwing all of your quarters at me.
she said a prayer for the pipe you broke. she did the sign of the cross and everything
Bruh. You offered the cashier tater tots that you had stuffed in your pocket.
Yeah, and? She might've been hungry.
Randomize
