But I'm halfway naked in a seductive pose! I just want to get this right...
Just had to open a tuna can with a spoon. Gave me a sense of hunting for my own food.
Acid is not a monday night drug
all she kept saying was "harder" "mayo" and "who are you"
captain&coke to the library. STAT. this is an emergency. this is not a drill. I repeat: THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
he said i balance and complete him. i feel sick
I think I'm the only sober person in the whole bar. If you count drinking less than 10 tequilas sober.
Impressive. I've never gotten straight denied and then chased the guy naked out of my own apt. I'll remember that next time.
i still can't believe he got laid by going to the bar and handing out "cuddle buddy" application forms
Is using cherry lube as jam shameful or hilarious
the guy I've been trying to get with saw my brother's genitals before he saw mine, so that's my life.
My feelings for him are donzo molonzo but I can't turn down a pierced penis...
NOBODY TALKS SHIT ABOUT PANDA EXPRESS
Maybe they'll dismiss me from jury duty after they smell beer on me. You can't keep me in a cage and then give me an hour and a half long lunch break next to a beer fest and expect sobriety.
I told him I thought I was pregnant and he told me he accidentally killed my bird.
Circle of life.
Randomize
