I just saw a hot homeless man
we sang an acapella version of barbara ann to his voicemail...i'm not drinking again until tuesday.
I may or may not have slept in someones apt on your street because they told me I was fun sized like a mini snickers
he just found out the funeral is this morning so i'm wearing last night's clothes and look like a total slut.
All I remember is intermittent flashes of being passed out on the side of the road 3 or 4 different times. And telling him to just leave me there and I would walk home in the morning.
I saw your relationship status and wanted to write "Now you can fuck with some peace of mind that she isn't giving that other guy she met online a handjob."
My legs have surpassed "hairy" and entered the territory of "furry". Maybe I should just suck it up and shave already
No now I'm curious!
We had half a pitcher of beer left and he asked us if we wanted a to-go cup. Fuck yeah we want it to-go.
Wait, tell the rest at happy hour. I wanna be able to interrupt you with my loud cackles and stupid questions.
There are many penises to be discovered and claimed tonight
We're like Lewis and Clark
Haha no we did it on his bed. Then rolled off into the bean bag. It was a strangely athletic performance on my behalf.
Your actions as of last night have earned you over thirty new nicknames.
This is why we can never be together. Well that and we r married to other ppl but that's very minor detail compared to the coffee issue
I have aggressive nipples.
I’ve slept with a Senior, a Freshman and a Junior so far. I’m a Sophomore away from hitting for the cycle
Randomize
