you're single. I'm single. let's spend vday with the 3 most important men in our lives: ben, jerry, and josé
I just found a beer pong ball in my mail box. I think its a sign
The sun is out and the snow is finally starting to melt here... Vodka bottles keep popping up everywhere. Guess it's the college version of burying nuts for the winter
As per my father's affair, married men are no longer off limits.
At the airport and im So hungover. Think anyone will help if I put a note on me reading "flying to Boston, please wake me as we board" and then passing back out?
votre penis est TRES GRAND. i used vous because your penis is SO big
Also you know what's worse than drunk texting? Drunk leaving soup on your hot neighbor's porch.
There just aren't enough words in the English language to convey my deep and abiding love of your cock. So I am beefing up on my Portuguese.
My wife ladies and gentlemen! Love ya babe.
That's not your dick yours is smaller. Nice try.
Wait why do you have a pic of someone else's dick in your phone?
It's been two dates and she just invited me to her aunts funeral. I can't even. Who the fuck does that? I need to drink I'm coming to get you in 5
My stuff that was at your place last night smells like doughnuts. I'm not even mad.
It's called life, you pretentious bitch. Grow up.
I'm trying to drink up the confidence to run in public.
I have booze and I wanna give you a bj. How can you be mad at me?
Best night if my life? Time I got eaten out in the backseat of a M5 while eating White Castle. Then he fucked me. Perfect
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