Hahaha figures, hmm should I spank you? Or throw a cow at you?
so explain again why im purple
no
Just think about how many life skills I lack. Cooking... Driving... Sobriety...
This is part your fault too. Don't tell me your dishes are unbreakable and not expect me to prove you wrong.
dude chill. we stole 18 hamburgers from her house
no. you cant fuck a burger.
I can feel his 12 year old sister"s eyes barreling into my soul everytime I'm at there house..some how she knows I'm cheating on her brother or she's mad cause I stole her shirt.
She sucks dick like Beethoven on piano, but talking to her is like Simple Jack in Tropic Thunder. Still working out the pros vs cons list.
He just tagged everyone he's slept with this year in a 'memories of 2011' tweet
He's currently surrounded by roughly 23 girls he fucked and never called. He may not make it out of here. Bar of doom? Or of redemption?
Got stuck at my fwb place for three days because I decided sex was more important than my safety in the weather. Worth it.
Eat your greens and take your tequila shots
The CEO is on this whole 'what do you do with your spare time?' kick. Umm... get drunk and have sex in bar parking lots.
I would have rather been getting my vagina slowly waxed all day then be here.
I woke up beside him and almost cried. Then I realized you were on the other side so I knew I hadn't made any bad decisions.
I mean, what's the polite way to say, "sorry but I can't date you cuz I'm sleeping with your boss" ??
Randomize
