So are we goin out tonight?
Dude, we woke up in your car in some parking lot last night...
And that was fun, wasn't it?
A little girl and i are having a face making battle in mcdonalds
She started it, but I totally finished it.
this is a family affair. You're an embarrassment.
whatever it's not my family
Watching NYC prep. Doing a shot everytime one of these d-bags flips his hair. I give it 10 minutes before alcohol poisoning set in.
Just found my DARE notebook from 6th grade. Extacy was starred and highlighted.
At least I've made one childhood dream come true
So you really have to stop introducing me to girls and afterwards saying "he has his dick pierced" let them find out for themselves
just remind me when i get fired soon that august is the month i started pregaming work
How does "I'm not drinking tonight" turn into body shots?
Everyone looked at me like I just fucked a gopher and was wearing it like a hat
Synchronized big wheels back flips off the second floor roof. Good idea or great idea?
I've carried my liver for over 24 years. If it can't carry me for the next 24 hours than it deserves to be damaged.
Dude, she sent me a nude of her posing in the mirror and her dad was in the reflection
At first I was a little embarrassed for sharting, but then i realized it was a bachelor party, and I went balls to the wall
See, remember when you wanted to get an Ashley Madison account and I told you not to and you hated me? You. Are. Welcome.
I slept like a rock because of your dick. I'll thank him personally later.
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