i'm so hungover...i might vomit in a handbag instead of selling them
i love that we sang a whole new world together while you carried me through campus
He had rug burn on his nose from my landing strip
Well he's not a stripper, so we're already doing better than my last date.
Iranian Rapper, camaroonian basketball player, mexican i forget and indian doctor....this one looks the best on paper.
You showed up at my apartment after 3 am wasted with a plate of cookies and tried to hook up.
Sorry about that. Except for the cookies.
I've been living off of popsicles and broth.
JUST MADE A FLAMING SLED. MIGHT HAVE 3RD DEGREE BURNS.
You know you gotta reevaluate your life when the first thought that comes to mind after you wake up is 'at least I'm still alive'
well we called the liquor store to tell them to stay open five more minutes so we could make it and they recognized our voices. I've never been more proud.
How are you feeling this morning?
Well, I just found day old puke in my bra, so I've been better.
I planned out my poor life choices for the weekend.
Let's celebrate our country being screwed by screwing.
We lost a person.... if you see a man in yellow shorts and nothing else walking around let me know...
Almost gave myself a concussion stealing a stuffed unicorn hanging on a street sign but hey I got home safe
Randomize
