She made fun of how I walked so I announced to her boyfriend that I have cum on her face before.
It's just like the Real World with babies
Sign #1 that I'm not ready to be a mother: I'm shopping for "maternity fishnets".
It took me 6months to figure out that he only had one testicle.
Brought 2 entire pizzas with to the bar, everyone loves us
We found him sitting in a beach chair in the basement storage room passed out. Idk if we should move him or pass the bowl around.
I wanna introduce you to my balls, Thunder and Lightning.
i think the theme of this summer is "shitting in weird locations."
Sex followed by chicken and waffles... Hands down my favorite morning plans. Count me in.
I'm officially disproving the fact that a hoe never gets cold bc this hoe is COLD.
I would also like you to tell your human bio class that I successfully smoked out the flu. 103 degree when I woke up yesterday. 100degree after one bowl. 4 more bowls and 16 hours later all that's left is a cough
I think I'm gunna glue a sign to my head that says "WAKE ME UP BEFORE 7!" And go to sleep and hope a kind passer by wakes me up for my exam .
Her cat was breathing in my ear all night, like that kid from Hey Arnold.
The gate guard just said to me, "I almost didn't recognize you in uniform. Welcome back." I think I need to lay off the booze.
He’s definitely circumcised. There’s not enough room in those speedos for a foreskin with that fire hose he’s packing.
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