Can't talk. I'm at the Tulsa Sheriff's office with a bunch of rednecks. I bet I'm the only one that voted for Obama.
I bet you're the only one who could read the ballott.
Thats the last time I go out drinking with my Irish friends. Two shots of flaming sambucca = bar on fire. I was only trying to high five the barman.
I need to surround myself with more reliable stoners...
It's 8 am and he's already trying to get me to make out with a girl.
The fact that both my ribs are severely bruised from shoving flasks in my bra might be a validation of my mothers alcoholic accusation
I always figured rock bottom would've involved more hookers
Under no circumstances is it ok to do naked cartwheels in front of anyone. i don't care how much ecstasy you took
She just laid there, sucking on a piece of steak, with the most content look on her face. Just before she passed out (steak still on her mouth) she said the cat box needed to be emptied
I don't know what's more sad. The fact that I'm genuinely impressed about being sober for a whole 3 days or the fact that I want to get wasted in celebration.
Everyone is out there getting real jobs and I just realized I've been "washing" my clothes with fabric softener for two months.
I think I'm dead. Also I think I stole $20 from a stripper.
You did. Then gave it to me.
P.s. There are few things I love more than brand new mascara and you are one of them.
Certain restrictions may apply. Common side effects of sex with me include unbridled joy, a healthy glow, soreness and the inability to walk for short to long amounts of time. If any of these side effects occur please consult your physician, so he/she can prescribe me a "high-five".
Sometimes I look at dogs and just thing about how it's weird we both came from wolves
Lay off the drugs kid
i wish i could put you in a lil box, and keep you for when i need to be blown
Randomize