You told him your wedding ring was part of your costume. not okay!!
We need to either drink and not go to waffle house or go to waffle house and not drink. I need to know which is causing these shits.
Had a student tell me he misses the old Four Loko. He's in 7th grade. No one is allowed to claim I started drinking too young ever again.
What is a reasonable amount of condoms to keep in my condom wallet without it being creepy that I have too many?
for once, the $56 i am about to pay for plan b was actually worth the sex.
The calves of my jeans are covered in jello shots from Sunday, how desperate do I have to be before I start licking them?
If you're wondering about the pepper everywhere its for the ants and it was my doings. They hate pepper. You're welcome.
I am now best friends with a lesbian named Zulu. I am pretty hammered already and made a game time decision to stay here another night,for partying purposes
I knew I was rolling hard when I realized I had been rubbing the couch for an hour
I'm going to buy her a puppy, let her fall in love with it, then kill it in front of her. Does that answer how I feel about her?
It's gotten so bad I typed my will out on my phone in case it's over.
I wore a bird inflatable and still got laid. So there's that.
Not entirely sure how I got drunk off 2 mimosas but here I am
Sometimes having a penis is like having a really stupid drunk best friend. You see it doing dumb shit but you're just not the one in charge.
Well it might’ve been because you asked to play What Makes You Beautiful at the club
Randomize
