my grand plan for the evening is to do shots of vodka til i cant anymore
I bet her clit looks like pig in a blanket.
I was talking to some girls while you were falling off your bar stool into the person next to you.
I think I reached optimum potential when I summersaulted straight into a kiddie pool.
No, earlier you attempted Jenga with everyones shoes.
Attention ladies coming to the party tonight! Tonight will be another chance to win the 5 bucks for getting my cousin hard. Bring your a-game, no one has been able to overcome the whiskey dick yet. Good luck.
I wiped my mouth this morning with a pine tree branch after I threw up on the side of the road. Tis the season
We are smoking a hash blunt ... Bring your emergency inhaler
So I just chugged the rest of the wine in my mug so I would have something to eat my corn flakes in. With a plastic fork. I need a dishwasher
And maybe a life coach?
Last thing I remember is beer bonging sangria. Dear God.
they had to hand cuff you because you wouldn't stop trying to unzip the paramedic's pants...this is why i love you
It's cool bro. The video I have of you drunk trying to fix it with the sonic screwdriver was worth it.
We just had sex in the shed while having a conversation about cheeseburgers...so that's how my day is going
Step 1: Buy a house Step 2: Turn bedroom into sex dungeon
just discovered a semi frightening wound on the side of my head that must have happened last night. if i die of a brain aneurysm, make sure they put "sorry for partying" on my gravestone.
A girl I had a drunken hook up with is on interventon right now
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