Can i come over
After you called me a desperate slut? No
Come over
just caught grandpa beating off in the living room
I swear, you have an app for that. "Attention: your boyfriend is pooping. Place call?"
oh i have no idea about his personality. i imagine it's the same as it was- except now combined with a receding hairline and a beer gut
Just threw up at the bar from the heat. Fun change of pace.
Playing hide and seek with all those cheeseburgers... Not our finest moment.
Dude it was a mini horse. It obviously only eats mini things.
i think maybe i'll just not watch it. i'd rather not think of you as a magical transforming set of dick holes.
Don't linger or you will get sucked into spending the night. Remember the mission mantra: GET OFF
Don't ever feel guilty about what you put in your mouth best advice my gma ever gave me lmao
Literally the only reason we didnt get arrested was because the cop said I reminded him of Steve Stifler from American Pie
OH MY GOD! I CAN FEEL A PULSE IN MY BALLS IT HURTS! ITS LIKE MINI FEMINIST NINJAS ARE ATTACKING MY BALLS!!!
I TOOK A FINGER IN THE BUTT YOU CAN OPEN THIS MESSAGE
This text constitutes a formal request for sexual congress under the terms of our Relationship Agreement.
he passed out in the backyard and we used christmas lights as extension cords for the clippers to shave his head.
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