Did u get laid? I went and bought lube and fleshlighted it while moaning ur name the whole time.
I'm pretty hammered, I'll elaborate tomorrow
i'm trying to reconcile what i did last night with who i am as a person.
Update, blind date is cute and fun.
Scratch that, blind date just threw up.
matt and i tucked you in... you REFUSED to move your head from under the bed.
My ex came to my place while I was gone. Random things he took: snow shoes, my laundry quarters, a decorative picture, all my condiments, the container that held my rice and a sticker off my wallet. Then left a note saying he watered my plants and fed my cats. What. The. Fuck.
fuck you and your stupid hot as hell face
all his sexual metaphors involve condiments, should I worry?
Omg. Tonight might be the night I masturbate thinking of a smoothie!
No? The only contact I've had with him for months was when I drunk texted him from Costa Rica to say that all jazz sounds the same
I just walked by a dude at the gym covering himself in olive oil.
I just realized it's officially fall..I had sex while watching Halloween
I am at a cat party and I just witnessed people lapping vodka out of a bowl for a contest. Lol
just found a joint on the street in downtown. smoked it with the hot guy from my chem class
WHAT IS UP WITH YOU SMOKING/ DRINKING THINGS OFF THE GROUND?
His dog hid my thong. Let me tell you, the last thing you want during a commando mini skirt walk of shame is lots of wind. There’s a church congregation that knows all my business
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