He ignores my calls like im some kind of stalker chick
Ive only called 5 times
Dont worry, she is sitting right next to me. She is making it clear she wants to scissor
i just won an entire level on word mole with the word 'clitoris'
Apparently i was peeing on things and marking my territory. I broke their light socket too. Needless to say im banned from their apartment.
please bring me a paper towel asap.
I was drinking wine in bed and spilt some on my chest.. And I cautiously guided it into my belly button but now I dont know what to do.
Next time he asks to wax your nipple while you're passed out I promise I'll be sober enough to intervene.
I just had a dream that I was pulling you around downtown on a sled, from bar to bar. Dear lord if we start that there's no hope for us
Parents said they were cutting off my AmEx card. So I immediately went up to the liquor store and purchased $550 of booze before it was canceled. I'm expecting your arrival in 30 minutes.
My fridge broke, and apparently the back is missing. The repair guy just fixed it with a pizza box. I didn't ask where the box came from, but it wasn't mine. Reason #20 why rent is cheap.
I know that we've never been that tight but I want you to meet my cat before I move.
So I had sex in a bulldozer lastnight now that's definitely a first...
But I REALLY want to hide my crazy for as long as possible with him so he'll date me.
How many fucks given?
0.12846
Jus had a dream that I borrowed bob dylans car to save us from a pack of raptors. Pretty stoked about it.
what a classic moment of my life. A buffet of taco bell and a taser gun.
Randomize
