My vagina hasn't been this smooth since I was 8. I better get laid tonight.
She just took off her shirt and jumped in the kiddie pool. We're not leaving.
It's like I'm in a vicious cycle of noncommittal penis.
Imagine getting smashed in the dick by a basketball. A basketball made of metal. With spikes. That's pretty much what his dick looked like.
I drink to make the karaoke go away.
Didn't get carded at the bar. We're getting wasted and then walking over to Bass Pro Shops to watch the indoor ducks swim around. And possibly buying a tent.
im just going to make a prayer circle of top ramen packets and cheap beer
They started shooting fireworks out of a dryer. It was my cue to leave.
That jawline could fucking have its way with me.
He said he couldn't fuck me cause I kinda looked like my brother
Remind me to NEVER AGAIN mix beer with tequila with beer with whiskey with vodka with rum with vodka.
My fuck buddy and I talked about Amelia Bedilia for ten minutes before having sex. I think I'm in love.
Hey do you care to explain why there are 3 empty pickle jars next to me when I woke up or do I even wanna know?
Once again I let my vagina make the decisions...that and vodka :(
The same idiot-bubble, now just bigger and louder.
Randomize
