All drunkenness aside, confirm u are alive
Now that the fun of having an iPhone has worn off I find that using screen as a coke tray is by far my favorite app
the last 2 times weve had drunk sex ive had to get the morning after pill.. he's turning into a real expensive fuck buddy.
My mom seriously just told me my insurance company pays for rehab. In an email. I expect a real, not just us joking, intervention coming on. I'm not accepting a "lunch date" with that bitch.
My life has literally become a dickpocolypse. Thank you, summer, I missed you.
i want you to know that after i type the word "your" , vagina is next on my auto correct text
She is feeding us popcorn out of her bra
damn. i can't believe how fast that went from 0 to lesbian
What's sign language for "you may not be the father?" Kinda important right now.
if I'm at school tomorrow just indulge my moment of pity and let me cry on your shoulder
The object of the game was to pour tequila into a sombrero and drink as much as you can before it leaked through, 'Big Papi' won.
There is a guy here calling himself the pants less weed fairy
First time since we broke up that I'm not drunk before noon...win for broken hearts everywhere
He may be 6' 6" but I'm 180 lbs of pure rage and determination
He told me to leave him behind and bury him in his batman pajamas. So two lessons I guess, don't give Tom whiskey and don't touch his daddy issues with a twenty nine and a half foot pole.
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