Whoever said drinking more helps a hangover didn't drink 96% of a fifth of whiskey last night. This is absurd.
I was handcuffed to a girl for half-an-hour. And I'm still the only one in the house who didn't get laid.
Saw a guy pass out and hit his head on a urinal. Laughing too hard to help him up
I think "I actually like giving blow jobs better" qualifies her as a keeper
That was the first time I have seen a confused expression with a dick in the mouth
i look like a southern belle. however, i am around a million kegs. so i will be a southern shitshow.
can we get vodka so I have an excuse for being an emotional wreck
Bloody Mary Monday just took a turn for the worst... Just had a heart to heart talk with the cat about it's obsession with chewing on cardboard.... Time for a nap.
YOU CHEATED ON ME WITH THE WOMAN THAT IS STAYING AT YOUR HOUSE. FORGIVE ME IF IM NOT THINKING YOUR A DEDICATED BOYFRIEND.
I should probably stop recommending my dentist to the different guys I'm seeing. That could be awkward in the future.
Mom and dad should be so proud half of their children have gotten naked in the same local grocery store
He's being awfully beer snobby for a guy who ordered salad
Sorry I wore your bra during sex last night
woke up to find a case of beer in the oven and a random puppy in the house...guess i had a party last night?
Why did I wake up covered in glitter next to a half eaten cheeseburger?
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