Court Ordered Rehab!!! Do you think I'll need a swimsuit?
they said he just opened the front of his shirt and threw up alll over himself
I am scared. I picture you doing a keg stand on a sinking ship with hula girls cheering you on. Please text me when you get back to shore...or now would be good
i'm sitting in the second floor bathroom drinking coronas in the shower. do not find me.
No no don't get confused. We do chemistry homework on Thursdays. We screw on Fridays. Other than that, Words With Friends is our only communication five days a week. We are NOT dating.
Drunk and alone at a magic show is what my life has become without you
Circle jerk is a real thing. It looks like five innocent virgins in a closet at my brother's bar mitzvah. Yeah, I walked in on that.
wanna come over? I have movies.
sure, what movies
porn or disney, your choice
Trust no bitch in laser tag. Not a single one.
Can't be like "hey can you elaborate on this three year old tweet" can I?
Cocaine bath bombs are a really bad idea
I don't know what to do about my nipple.
so then the cop took one last hit off our blunt and then drove off in his car and we just all stood there thinking, yea... that just happened...
I woke up completely naked in a mint condition 71 chevelle in someones garage. What.
U dont jog and buy condoms n bulk
Randomize
