I'm holding in my pee so that I can hear "Cowboy" in its entirety on the radio
Omg. If Ina Garten Makes roast chicken one more time im going to strangle her with her white button down
Guys who wear capris make me want to kill endangered species.
Think about all of the events that have led to this: me sitting in the back of my classroom drinking beer out of a taco bell cup, telling the teacher I have to leave early to go to an AA meeting.
Just made a drug deal by throwing my money to my dealers window and receiving weed the same way. We are the definition of typical lazy stoners.
Welcome to texting with Mike. You're now leaving the sober section and headed to our insanely high bad decision making portion of mike. Enjoy the trip.
When you awake you'll realize that your car is missing....just know that I had it and becuz of your car I hooked up with the hot bar tender that looks like that guy from bay-watch however I parked it in a loading zone and it was towed...that sex was TOTALLY worth it love you
My god this is going to ruin whatever Vegas left of our souls...
Should we buy the taco bell before hand? Not having taco bell on Quattro de mayo isn't a risk I'm willing to take
I think I just ate eggs off of a plate covered in cocaine.
Dude they're making a condom for people who have no feeling in their penises that will make them able to have an orgasm. I love science
One of my life goals was never to see an uncircumcised dick. I guess that's out the window now.
He said he discovered the mysteries of the universe inside an orange... I want whatever he was on.
Things he has managed to cum on so far on spring break: my bikini, my back-up bikini, three of my four bras, two pairs of panties, four beds, six chairs, the floor of several hotel rooms, the window/door to the balcony from both sides, my tits, my face, my stomach, his stomach, my ass, his best friend's girlfriend's face, and his best friend's dick.
Just FYI spring break is over and you're supposed to be back in class but hey sounds like you had your orgy so congrats.
You pee in parking lots....i drive home naked.....thats the american dream i was promised
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