Dude. I tried to convince her to eat poprocks and give me a blowjob. It did not work out well.
my dad just walked in on my jacking off and all he had to say was "I thought you were bigger than that".... thanks dad.
Ohh god. I'm so nervous. This is terrible. He just introduced me as "the best girlfriend of his life" and Jenny as his "sexual roomate"
Well it went from being a hug to a straight out tackle through the back door.
Do you have any booze?
Well I have 60 feet of bubble wrap and a bottle of wine...but I'm saving that for a special girl...
I just let my hand run under cold water for five minutes. I couldn't stop staring at it and the only things I could think about were how amazing it felt, how cool water was, and what a wonderful world it is that we live in. Reasons why I don't smoke...
We'll talk about this tommorrow when I'm not mistaking my fingers for French fries....
Just promise me you wont die... or hook up with an old asian lady playing slots
Cant promise that last part. I won't die though
Licking pop rocks off a stranger's washboard abs and kissing strangers young enough to be my kid. Yeah, it was THAT kind of party last night
I can get something to clone your cock for $40. It's worth it. It's my birthday present to myself.
OMG I CAN GET A GLOW-IN-THE-DARK ONE
The two of us went back to your place, had sex, peed in cups, then i went home. Literally all i know
Well he waved at me as he was leaving so he def noticed the staring, and by staring i mean blatant eye fucking from across the bar..
Not even a manhunt keeps my brother and his friends from the bars
dude I fucking saw you snort tequila
scale of one to ten how loathsome is it to save my chocolate easter bunny to use for a topping on my edibles
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