so later when i'm crying over him remind me that he once called his penis "senor weeper"
If I were trying to take advantage of you I would have maxed out all your credit cards by now.
we got blazed and looked up peoples criminal records
The woman in front of me has a completely clear purse. I can see everything. It's ballsy because her vagisil is on display.
i just remember sitting on this bed, naked, STILL WITH A CONDOM ON, and suddenly these random girls were in the room shouting at me
remember.. you're not a homewrecker.. you're just creating options for him..
Let's get one thing straight; we aren't in a relationship. We fuck and occasionally go to subway.
These are your "grown up" slampiece's new hours of operation; please plan accordingly
im trying to look as sober as possible but i just poured orange juice and mayo into my milkshake.
Well after we were arrested you just kept chanting "Like a good neighbor state farm is there"
A warmed up burrito and jelly beans. The breakfast of champions.
She said I'm going to get you stoned and have you fuck me on the couch.
My concern for you and peanut butter is the reason I am still awake.
I really appreciate you taking the time to blur out my excessive boob cleavage for instagram
Black labs can get you to do pretty much anything...even approach strange men in their bath robes
Randomize
