Is it sad I memorized the exact change required for a #7 at Wendy's?
Why are you ignoring all of my texts?
The power was out.
Hey! Thanks for asking, but it didnt go well. He threw up in the car on the way to dinner. Blind dates arent for everyone.
he drank a monster margarita at dinner. had to ask me if it was dollars or minutes that ended in 60.
I thought he was kidding when he said pretend to be a dunkin donut delivery women. This is the last time I ever role play.
And I was somehow convinced to wash the glassware at the bar topless.
Some great men died of syphilis. I accept your compliment.
i woke up next to a ladle and a packet of chocolate biscuits that my face had melted into one giant biscuit.
You working tonight?
Keg. Hottub. Wearimnh a 8th graders bikini. Mess
wait, how does the 20 year old one night stand pregnant girl have a superiority complex?
I just had sex in the footy bunny pajamas my mom bought me for christmas. Tis the season
look when god gives you a dick that good for his son's birthday you don't question it
So I got a text from him saying "jacking off...thinking of you" I think I'm going to get a restraining order
Do you remember punching the light out in the bathroom? I didn't, and that was at bar 2 of 4…
Lessons learned from last night: do not leave me drunk and alone with strippers and a credit card. Let's do whatever's cheaper.
Randomize
