Crap im kindd 0f drunkk we just hooked up in a mcdonalds parking lot but i dont know why how we are here
Hey! Thanks for asking, but it didnt go well. He threw up in the car on the way to dinner. Blind dates arent for everyone.
Fuck now we have to have sex
What?
In a bet, need to win
I don't even know. I woke up in the bathtub with no shirt, covered in towels holding what appeared to be vanillia pudding mixed with captain morgan.
My lower body still feels like its been through a garbage disposal and a trash compactor. In that order.
It was right before we played jenga with champagne glasses for a good half hour
the bar didnt serve shots so jim ordered us jaeger neat. it worked.
Dude you filled up a protein shake mixer with White Russians so you didn't have to keep coming upstairs.
I just took a service station dump so foul I had to buy gas out of guilt
I woke up in your kitchen with my ID in my hand and my nails were painted electric blue. Dude.... never let me have fireball again.
I got so drunk that I peed my bed...and all over him. The ironic thing is that he slept in his swimming trunks.
He says the sweetest things but also that he wants to choke me when we fuck so it's kinda perfect.
I love you. Doing a double. Going to die. It will be painful. Let the world know i partied. God, did i party.
Sitting in the dr office she literally looked at my throat and goes have you been having oral intercourse
I'm hung over and my mom made me go to church. I feel like such a sinner.
I need an aspirin and some dignity.
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