Dude, I would hit that so hard that whoever could pull me out would become the king of England
So much for the toy store...Not a butt plug in the entire place. See you tonight.
planned parenthood is perfect for picking up chicks...they all put out
She got all mad because she said it was "unprofessional" to tell my manager to go fist herself.
I probably shouldn't have slept with him. I feel like that may have given him the wrong idea.
2pm: Breaking news alert: I think I'm finally sober. Oh, and that place needs hotter strippers.
My lab manual has instructions for making home wine. Room project?
i think the beer goggles wore off after hearing the story of her 2nd abortion
Disregard the shoes in the freezer.
i just keep picturing us drunk surrounded by kittens.
He texts me "what are you wearing" in the middle of the workday, so naturally I assume he's kidding and respond "the blood of my enemies" #foreveralone
Well, I just bought plan b with the tips I made from the job that I slept with my manager. So yeah, that's my life. How's yours?
I just got a free round of shots. Don't you DARE fuckin tell me that A-cup boobs can't get you good things.
You can't honestly expect me to maintain an erection when you have the Glen Beck show on
Could be all of this cough syrup, but I’m ready to fuck 2018 up!
Randomize
