I mean we're not committed. He's my first choice, sort of like miller lite. When I'm at the bar I'm going to order one, but if they don't maybe I'll go for a bud or blue moon. I'm certainly not going to stop drinking
When your really high you cant order into a clowns mouth
the lighter is IN the bong. I don't know what to do
Woke up next to my bed in a pile of skittles, sleeping on a pair of sweatpants. I can't believe the girl didn't stick around..
He stole the megaphone off an ATM then we drove around so he could tell people not to jaywalk.
If you really wanted to hide the fact you were gay, you could have at least had the sense to not get drunk in the same bar as your bf.
Almost ran over girl selling candy bars for charity. Pretty much obligated to buy at that point.
Can we just cry and dive into a couch-sized bag of sadness-chips, dip them in a la-z-boy sized jar of depression salsa while watching a show called 'Forget Your Hopes and Dreams, Just Kill Yourself'?
This guy has a theme song for the joints he rolls
You are the only person I know who has a fierce hatred for a five year old. Not even five year olds in general, yours is very specific
The convent might be a nice break from real life
Shotgunning beers in the shower. Mom would be proud.
Question: anytime during the past week did I drunk dial you and give you full permission to grab my boobs? Cus I know I said it I just don't remember who I said it to...
My bookbag can hold 30+ beers. They shoulda put that on the tag bc its a big selling point
You woke up at like 4 in the morning fell off your bunk bead, yelled at Nic for asking if you were ok, walked to the kitchen, pissed on the keg, and then looked at me and said "Still not worth it" then went back to bed.
Randomize