It took you an unbelievable amount of time to realize that your ass was on fire.
i cant talk right now. we are trying to finish our homework so we can play with play-doh
shes a 6ft ginger. she brings nothing to the table except for awkwardness
It was kind of like a train wreck, except alcohol would have improved the situation greatly.
Yeah got a self inflicted broken nose.
dude there's no way we're going back in there for your puke shoes
Roommate is eating a chimichanga, watching Dr Doolittle 2 and weeping. His Tuesday hangovers make me feel better about my life.
Drank a beer through my butt, how's your initiation going?
I'm bringing cupcakes to work today as an apology for my actions at the bar last night, my boss probably can't look at me the same ever again
Look on the bright side, one day you will get to tell your grandkids how grandpappy got roofied on his 21st and woke up in a for sale house missing his shoes
He deadlifted me and I came just a little at the apex
I ran into cvs barefoot with my belt undone and shirt buttoned wrong and didn't even have to ask. The guy working pointed and said "they're back there."
That's how I look going for the pbr.
Ugh, once again I had to block the view of him peeing off the hotel bar balcony, I earned those free drinks!
I went looking for them and I pulled my pants down and peed on the lawn. I found my phone in the same spot in the morning.
The last time I saw you you got angry and yelled "WHISKEY DOESNT COUNT" ... I think that's at least a 7 on the hotmess scale.
Randomize
