No. I broke it. Note to self, never take a shower with your phone in your pocket.
I just gave some chick my debit card to put in the jukebox. She better put out.
you should have seen his reaction to my boobs, it was like he just met god
I woke up from my nap, looked out my window, and saw about bout 6 people get tasered in less than 20 seconds.....could someone please tell me what's going on.
My phone really needs to stop auto correcting "library" to "ovary".
I keep waking up with the nagging feeling I gave him half a hand job through his shorts.
Found out why I didn't have to go drug test. My boss grew pot to pay for grad school.
Dude he was freaking out because he thought he was walking on crates, and he just kept saying help me
Mike is so stoned. I just heard him quietly mutter to himself "rock a piss" as he walked down the hall to the bathroom
You are a piece of meat with a side of awesome to me.
I'm in a dress, surrounded by Republicans, and the bartender just told me he's "out of Jack Daniels" in a very accusatory tone. Shit, is it only 8 PM?
I fell asleep masterbating while watching family guy... This is what happens when girl's night gets canceled
Dude she smelled like bar-b-que sauce. I can't think of anything better.
The hat, the beard, the hard posing - like who does he think he is?
A bag of dicks
That's dating life
I think I'm so comfortable in my sexual relationship because he mostly wants to see me naked with large plates of bacon tastefully placed upon my body
Randomize
