HOW IN THE HELL DID YOU BLOW A .24?????
We were watching I'm a celebrity get me out of here and taking shots every time heidi said HALLELUJAH, and started spraying her hair with that stupid dry shampoo shit....and we only watched the last half hour.
the condom got lost in my hair
I mean i might have to drop this class tomorrow. I just walked into a midterm
hey everyone... booty call? my house tonight. bring friends to fuck my friends.
They're like penises that have been put in a blender.
She sent me a text saying she picked out 17 different Halloween costumes for our kids when they hit the age of 4... The cling factor should have me running right now but honestly I'm just curious
Some girl at the bar was showing us her chipped tooth as a pick up line.
currently wearing a football players overly sized underwear. discovered a shot count on my leg. I'm a tank hahahhh
Just had a tv talk show interview in my mirror. Got into to some pretty heavy shit man, would have made good viewing.
So aparently telling your roommate you're going to spoon them so hard in the public place of their employment is inappropriate
Wake up. We're going shopping for booze and samurai swords.
I made everything so magnificently awkward in under 15 seconds. I am magic.
Also, we can't be seen together looking suspicious or sexually satisfied
Ah you cut my boxers off with scissors, we're way past introductions
She walked up to me and whispered "I hope you're good at sex" and led me to the beach.
Randomize
