I think I saw a glimmer of recognition, but she must not have been able to make me out through all of her whorishness.
I just did my online traffic school at the bar. No biggie.
We need to buy some popsicles so we can remind ourselves we're good at this.
Oh so it was one of those "I shouldn't have gotten in a cab with a random 21 year old girl" kinda nights.
I'm not going to need your "it doesn't mean you're a slut" pep talk after all.
I am wrecking havoc on the skinny girls by going home with the big one. She is taking me to see her dog now.
why are our drunk alter egos so much more successful than us?
Naked chocolate chip pancake making. I just spilled mix all over the place. My boobs are covered in flour. This is not going well.
Im wearing a bra. Made of paint.
Every time you talk about your facial hair I immedately get horny
I used my dress as a plate for pizza rolls last night
that is either the most profound and meaningful thing i've ever heard, or someone got high before noon again.
1. so the new neighbor u called dibs on.. I'm sorry..but not really. 2. She lactates, I guess that happens when you have a kid less then 5 months ago.... WTF!! 3. Is it fucked up I'm craving Ceral & Milk now?
I told my parents how nice the girl at the frogurt store was. I neglected to mention that I nearly lost my virginity to her via foursome.
I want a musical about memes.
Randomize
