she was wearing a cheetah print one-piece and i slept with her anyway. big mistake.
He's so far in the closet he's in Narnia
I've been drunk so often this summer being sober is exciting
Just suggested things for my dad to get my mom for Christmas in terms of "yeah you'll get laid."
i'll just tell him I slept with them both because we needed to compare notes
Change of plans I'm coming home and shotgunning all the beer we have.
From the same High Brittany who brought you such thoughts as, "Fuck, am I wearing shoes?" Comes High Brittany on a date! Stay tuned. This will be interesting.
I also turned off the Anchorman DVD start menu before cause I didn't want Will Ferrel watching me lose my virginity.
Just saw some dude tumble down the stairs of the bar while leaving...fist pump...and then sprint down the road
I just want you to know that I am dancing around my apartment by myself singing Taylor Swift into a wine bottle. Do hurry.
My dick looks like crazy bread
pics are now mandatory
You dropped my mother on the dance floor. She has a concussion. You didn't apologize. Don't speak to me for a while.
He listens to me complain and in return I send him naked pictures. It's a win win situation
Block me from your phone tonight…I need to get laid tonight. But you've been being a douchebag. So not by you. But I might call you. So block me.
WHY WOULD I COCK BLOCK MYSELF???
Can I just swipe right on his dad?
Randomize
