yo dude i was totally schwabbin last night.
what does that even mean?
you ever see those charles schwabb commercials, where the people are like half cartoon half real.... well yeah i saw that in real life.
I'm taking child development now so if you get pregnant i can raise your child no worries
oh yeah I'm gonna practice throwing up so I can be ready for Friday night. and Saturday. Beth is back, diaper and all.
I think he'd cut a tree down for me. He's from North Dakota. That's something hot guys do there, right?
the only evidence i have from this weekend existing is a title page for a novel i tried writing called "the oyster who gave up drinking"
Based on the pics I have taken of hookups while they were passed out or sleeping, I have scientifically concluded that no two vagina lips are the same. They are like snowflakes.
I'm still not a hundred percent.. I haven't shit anything solid in two days.. I have pulled my puker muscles and I can't take deep breaths cuz of other unidentified muscles/maybe heart attack
I seriously think the toilet is the cleanest thing in their house. At least if I have to worry its not about that.
You fucked that MILF against my car!
How would you know?
She scratched her name into my window with her bigass wedding ring. btw she wants you to call her
So I just had breakfast and then sex in a parking garage before he went to school and thus I am loving my life
You blacked out at 9:30 and insisted on sleeping in the hallway after you chugged an entire pitcher of beer. I guess the Jell-O shots were stronger than we thought...
I work 80 hours a week to prevent myself from just laying in bed and masturbating all day. It's a hands off strategy.
I love how when he said ecstasy pills both of our heads whipped around like a couple of horned owls.
I'm not just straddling the line between love and hate, I'm dry humping the shit out of it
When I found out he was circumcised I called his mother and thanked her
Randomize
