WTF I just almost got ran over by a fucking cop!!!!!!
LOL you shoulda thrown yourself in front for money. Fucking cops!
I feel like our bond as friends is a lot stronger now that I've talked to you on the phone while having sex.
we thought you were sober enough for a movie but you took one look at emily blunt and screamed "aw this bitch?!" and passed out 30 seconds later
I think I am the only girl in the world who would be proud of these scars from rug burn.
is it mean that i live tweeted about whether or not my roommate and her bf were having sex or were wrestling?
Her boobs felt like beanie babies from heaven
It blows my mind that pandora doesn't have an : I want to lay in bed in the dark and be sad and cold and eat frozen mangos and chipotle all day station
Just took plan b with my eggs and chai...homecoming got the best of me already
In all honesty the person most likely to secretly slip me drugs would be ... Me
It's one PM on a Saturday and I'm sitting here drinking Jack, eating a block of cheese and playing Minecraft. Please tell me you can come drag me to a bar.
Cats are difficult to handle. Also they are impossible to baptize.
this dude is way too smart. he just explained to me the different scientific components of drugs while we smoked. i said i loved icecream.
She was calling him Bob Saget and asking him to buy her shots....how do you think the night went?
how the FUCK did i spend 25 dollars at 50 cent beer night?
Just realized that I indirectly pay for sex through my cable bill
Wow. He is an expensive lay
I still have to figure out the cost per lay. It could be a financially sound investment
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