Is this going to be a big send off or a somber occasion? Just need to know if I should start drinking on the train or not.
You ended at least 6 stories with "and that's why I don't snort coke anymore"
All she said was "the usual?" and unzipped my pants.
i've learned that i'm good at stealing things. like live cats.
It was more like a tour de entire bottle of wine in 14 minutes
I feel like we should at least be hungover if we're gonna be this grown up.
I told him I was on the pill and it was OK to fire away. I want to never have to wear panty house or ever go to an office again. This is my early retirement plan. I want half of his NBA money.
We fucked so hard that when I orgasmed I tore his towel rack off the wall. He was more impressed than mad.
I found my spirit animal in the shower. It's a sloth/bear that lives in my chest.
So many weird people in this class. I can practically taste their unwanted virginities. They taste bad.
The fact that I can sew my leggings while intoxicated proves I'm a functioning alcoholic
Apparently I drunkenly agreed to help the homeless. For once, I'm not disappointed in drunk me. Four for you, drunk self. You go, drunk self!
All you have to drink is moonshine and ranch. This is bullshit.
Magyver!
I just want to get drunk and not have to worry about you leaving me at the bar.
well it was naive of you to actually think you're the only bday sex he had lined up for him today. I'm just suprised he actually had a line forming outside of his room
Randomize
