Overheard: "his girlfriend fucks him with the lights off. It's not serious."
lmfao. well really. it's not love if you cringe at the site of his anus.
i just unintentionally masturbated to my own facebook picture
I had sex with her like 200 times, and she was only pregnant once, those are pretty good statistics.
Maybe you shouldn't go to cosmic bowling, i don't know if cum glows and I don't wanna find out i'm sure his parents don't either.
Zach is always passed out on the floor somewhere.face down in a puddle of his own absurdity
I'm in Starbucks carrying the boxes wine and the hubcap. So many judging looks.
Yeah. I had to take off my shirt. It's soaked in weakness.
He woke me up at 5am to recite nursery rhymes to our fictitious unborn child.
Showing girls my stab wound was not the brilliant idea I thought it was.
She tried deep frying a banana by placing one, unpeeled, into a toaster.
There's a kitten on my face and I'm druuuunk
Well, I hope you're having fun. I'm just gonna lay here and wait for death - shouldn't be long now.
1 fuck you 2 fuck her 3 ur forgiven 4 im breaking up with her
But unlike the human Walter the plant Walter will someday grow to satisfy my needs
I am so horny. It's like all the stress of finals week has relocated to my vagina.
Randomize
