First thing she said after sex was.. are you baptised by chance?
I mean, he's dancing back and forth between pathetically sad and massively fucking creepy.
i wanted a birthday blowjob. not a birthday VD.
i love when people i haven't talked to since we fucked write on my wall.
I didnt realize my nipple ring fell out until he coughed it up.
The pigeons can smell the fear
Wtf
I still count it as showing your tits. Even though the wall was the only one who saw anything. Your boyfriend was pissed.
I'm eating ramen over the toilet. Fuck my life
Go to hungover. Go directly to hungover. Do not pass go. Do not collect 200 dollars
Omg have I shown you my skeezy ex fiancée?
The other one.
I mean I want to go somewhere. I just don't want to put on pants or behave.
I have to tell him to stop eating me out so I'm not late for work; my life could be a lot worse.
My vagina cried when he left. I think she's about to be at war with my self respect.
I'm at her wedding and she managed to get every single one night stand I ever had in her wedding party. Why does she hate me?
Just remembered someone sprayed perfume in my mouth last night after convincing me it was vodka and that i tried to herd ducks around campus and bring one home.
Randomize