Is there some kind of disinfectant spray people use? Why would anyone want to eat ass??
i wanted to sleep on a waterbed so i filled up my bathtub so i could fall asleep in it...
he changed my name in his contacts to "rick", so his mom wouldn't know he was texting me
While drunk it seemed like a good idea to barricade my roommate in his room with everything that we could move in our apartment, waking up to him screaming from it collapsing on top of him was just an added bonus.
i've been thru my totinos phase. then after reading the ingredients and nutritional info i almost puked in my mouth. its like having the bastard child of pizza hut and mcdonalds invade your kitchen and start stabbing your digestive system.
...and all my boxers are outside in the snow because????
Became best friends with the hotdog stand creeper outside the bar. Cried and told him my feet hurt too much to walk home then begged him to hire me.
Were playing beruit winners pelt losers with eggs
Dude you were sitting on a bench on the street with her for 45 minutes thinking you were on the bus
whiskey
stop
tequila
you're fuckin up my ability to be a agrown up
I would really just like to get laid somewhere that's not on a bathroom floor at this point in my life
I SHIT YOU NOT a mailman helped me leave without waking him up.
I'm making a date with someone on Playstation Home. That's how my sex life is going right now.
At least he finally released me from his spooning oven of death...
I love FaceTime, every time you ring me the morning after its like I went home with your one night stand too.
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