Shaq going to Cleveland; Vince Carter to the Magic; Michael Jackson, Farrah Fawcett, and Ed McMahon die.... ARMAGEDDON IS UPON US!!!!!
I tried to pay my bar tab with my gym membership card. Twice.
he asked me to marry him on one of those scrolling message belt buckels.... what now?
bathroom sex at kohls isnt as trashy as it seems
She got mad when I told her I'd bone her mom. She got MORE mad when her mom heard, and was flattered by it. Proud to say I attract MILFS.
i don't know how the hand towel got involved, but i peed all over it
Thanks for having 911 ready when I jumped off the balcony
I had to photo shop your nipple piercings. that was extremely awkward.
I feel like I'm laying on a pillow cloud. With little baby angel fingers between me and the cloud lifting me up. Singing hymns in my ear.
Just saw the trailer for Spike Lee's version of Oldboy. They filmed a lot of it in A's building so like every scene features a place where I had or almost had sex. If oral counts then pretty much every scene.
Dinner at 5, shrooms at 10.
I did it again.
I drunk texted John McCain.
she told me id be a great addition to their lesbian community and shes giving me sex eyes from across the room. come get me NOW
Things change once you put a ring on it. 5 years ago if I had morning wood she would have gone nympho on that. Now I am just lucky if she touches it rolling when we sleep.
I guess when the asshole said “I really miss you and want to get back together” he actually meant “I’m banging a Hooters girl behind your back.”
I hope she gives him gonorhea
Randomize
