trying to figure out who visited the hillshire farms website enough for it to be in my top sites.
Apparently Sundays are the worst days for your friends to get their head split open and need stitches...there's only 1 doctor on duty
did the walk of shame through a baseball field. .A little league game was going on. Proceeded to buy a hot dog at the concession stand. the looks were priceless.
I poured myself a glass of chocolate chips at some point during the evening.
I just stole a conducting baton from the chicago symphony orchestra... i have to stop drinking on weeknights
I couldn't find the bathroom last night...so I wrapped myself in the curtains and stuck my butt out the window and peed from two stories up. Thank god I don't remember.
I tried to bribe him with road head and his toothbrush.
My mom said she saw you at the bar last night and asked how you were. She said, you replied with, "Oh you know, just knocked up."
Figured I'd get right to the point
Please. That's just a patriotism boner. I watched Michael phelps win another medal and had to change my underwear.
We just stood there eating chocolate chip pancakes, watching you sleep on the bathroom floor.
I'll miss you, too. On the bright side, a night away from one another might give me a chance to recup seminal fluids.
MESSY REBOUND SEX HERE I COME! Time to start stretching to fit in my back seat again ...
You know how last week before we left I was drinking outta that blue cup and I left it sitting across the road. Well, it hadn't moved and my family just found it, brought it inside and cleaned it. I think this cup is my soulmate.
You and your dick were a topic of high regard tonight
How naked do you want me to be?
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