HIV tests are more positive than that guy
great time with ya sorry i wasn't one of the three guys you wanted to stay with
Somedays I wish I were a bird. Then people wouldn't be so grossed out when I vomit
And we started making out. She asked me to pick a number between 1 and 10. I said 6. She took me to her room. A few minutes later I wasnt a virgin. DUDE I WAS GOING TO SAY 2.
the girls on my floor started fighting over who got to keep the random hoodies that boys forgot in my room after sex
This can't be good. I've realized that I weigh less in the morning after I have had a blackout drunk night than when I work out and eat healthy.
There is a keg full of gin. THERE SHOULD NEVER EVER BE A KEG FULL OF GIN.
her body is proportioned like a family guy character
In your drunken glory you promised me, tongue, 12 naked pics, and 1,800 breakfasts.
You know I'm dangerous when I have make-out withdrawals
She's like the Oprah of therapy. AND YOU GET A STRAITJACKET. AND YOU GET A STRAITJACKET. WITH A PADDED ROOOOM
Don't send me heart emojis when you're jacking off.
My plan for the weekend: 1) Get shit faced in Vegas. 2) Not die
Being an adult can't be all bad. I just took a vacation day solely to sit around and get stoned
I am drunk and aggressive about the olympixs
It's spelled Olympics
Randomize
