if he's not good at sex i should be allowed to have sex with someone who is. that's a totally legit statement i think
If you made a robot out of pillows would he be nice? It's hard to imagine a mean pillow robot. And who came up with the idea of shaving their legs?
his dick is like his red hair, amazing but useless
Please tell me the foreign boys in the kitchen this morning were yours.
Good news. Isn't krabs. Bad news. Not sure what it is. Worse news. Encouraged not to fuck till known. Great news getting laid tonight
at wine tasting. Can i cleanse my Palate with a frito?
bad news.. campus security walked me home last night and when i tried to tell them where i lived they assured me they knew where our house was.
Lest we forget our veterans. Also that two years ago I lost my virginity on this day in a hot tub. Go me for being the worst person on earth.
so hungover. I'm actually considering eating the snow off the roof so I don't have to leave my bed
I appreciate that you take the time to fix your typos even while masturbating
Me: I shouldn't go to the airport bar it's too expensive and I don't need it. Dark me: SHOTS AT 7 AM
We were like one big happy Eskimo family.
The more drunk I get the more I want to steal a lamb
What would be the possible repercussions of lamb theft
Yea.. And you'll love me a whole lot more when I start letting my vagina make all the decisions..
Either I'm getting old or the shit show is playing earlier than it used to...
Randomize
