your butthole totally puckers for the ginge
Is it necrophilia if we're both dead?
You know, as long as there were ice cream breaks, I would totally eat chips for a living.
I found my laptop, credit card, and a bottle of Morgan all on the counter this morning. I'm scared to see what gets delivered to my house this week.
I just asked my hair stylist how many percocets she'd do my hair for.
Fuck going to see The Hunger Games tonight. The only thing I'm hungry for is some dick. Let's go to the bar.
Walked up in time to hear him say "you saw I was in a relationship on facebook? So why are you holding my nuts?" To her. That's loyalty man
That dog was the best thing i ever touched
Cuz I feel like I ate the whole candy isle at 7/11 last night and chased it with rum
You pretty much did tho
Is it bad juju to glue mini budda to the bottom of a shot glass
It's pizza for people who hate themselves. I rang the place up once i'd finished and told them if i was on death row it would be my last meal because by the time i'd got half way through it I would be begging to die.
But then I ordered two more because it was 2-4-1 and my life is a mess
ok give me a pep talk, I want a hotdog but I'm too stoned to go make it
We almost ended up sober because of u!!
He sent me a picture of his cock that seemed to indicate that we were still on good terms.
Have you ever realized how weird it is to think that you've fucked someone and don't know what their handwriting looks like?
Randomize
