can i drink enough to forget this semester even happened?
I am literally too baked to press the call button. How am I supposed to bone him?
I got kicked out of an open bar wedding reception. The bride "felt threatened" by my presence. Not my fault she's ugly
Its that time of week again, Bad life decision wednesday
my mom just asked if she should wash your furry handcuffs with the lights or darks
Taped crackers to the wall. Sat I'n the dryer. Bobby had to pull me out by my hair. No more.
I have too much pride to pick his chest hair out of my mouth again
Oh, I'm just lighting tennis balls and WD-40 on fire, what are YOUUU doing?!
The neighbors outside are screaming at one another about God knows what and everyone is too scared to go outside and we NEEd more beer
My dad handed me a drink and said, "This'll knock your dick in the dirt..."
I would recommend NOT getting ass enhancement shots.
I went up by the border of Canada. We took shrooms and went fishing...pretty sure we killed a dragon and ate it for dinner
I can't believe I'm going to buy bitcoin to pay for erection pills
Why do I always have at least 8 men with whom I am conducting some sort of poorly planned love experiment?
Just do what I do and listen to your vagina. She’ll growl when she smells good dick
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