My landlord doesn't knock anymore when he shows the apt... So i just had sex in front of a family.
didn't stop?
naw, they were rude, not me.
You know your from las vegas when the girl on the stage in the strip club was in my US gov class senior year
i just realized i've hooked up with every boy in this taco bell
That's the classiest thing you've ever said.
Congrats to the girl that left her positive preggo test in the bathroom...
Apparantly 7 1/2 Vicodin is a 1/2 too many.
when you wake up try not to move. we are betting to see if more sprinkles stuck to you or the pong table.
It's four o'clock and my 60yo aunt's tits have already made an appearance and there is a dildo traveling around the room periodically assaulting family members. Strangely I am thankful.
My adult sexuality and some of the best memories of my childhood collided like a Pee Wee Herman wet dream.
Elaborate
Strip Mario-Kart
How could you give up sex for lent? I gave up religion for lent years ago and never looked back. Or give up civility, not sex.
Having vodka and cokes for lunch at work today because absolutely ZERO fucks are being given.
Black out Jordan is making huge strides. I didn't even pee on anyone or anything last night.
I just got caught impersonating a t-Rex by my boss. Sadly he wasn't fazed by my behavior and acted like it was normal.
She didn't get a tit job, she's just wearing the right size bra for once
Listen, some people have dreams, some people just want to cock slap a kangaroo
You aaa... you ever forget to wipe your ass?
Randomize
