all thats left of you is your magnum wrapper on my dresser
U of I kids don't fist pump to Sweet Caroline. Get me the fuck out of here.
I thought it couldn't get worse until she said "Nipple hair"
he ate 15 dinner rolls and nothing else. then took a shit in the bathroom came out and blamed it on his dad. i wish i was 8.
you were drinking a pitcher of what you called "16 loko" and making everybody guess what the secret ingredient was
I thought your voice was coming from the walls. I've never been so relieved to find you naked in a closet
I feel like this has turned into my work. But if I get paid sitting under a desk, that's perfectly fine with me.
I had lunch with him today and quietly mourned his wasted good looks on such a disappointing set of genitals.
It's not a real holiday until someone pees on you. Did someone pee on you?
My house smells like bleach. Also, I do not feel bad about all the stuff I stole from the hospital while I was there.
We started a fund for a baby in a wine glass, I think we're pretty responsible.
The next time you scream bombs away when you are inside me will be the last time you are inside me
What has my life become? I'be officially recruited my fuck buddy for help getting my ex back.
I woke up beside him and almost cried. Then I realized you were on the other side so I knew I hadn't made any bad decisions.
Left him blackout in the cab, gave 20$ to the cabbie and said drive until the meter said he wasn't getting a tip.
Bangkok has him now.
Randomize
