Haha so apparently that girl last thought I was you the whole time, and in the morning realized you weren't the one she fucked. Thanks for your help.
she took out her dip, threw up, and put it back in. it was like a scene from Nick and Nora's trip to the trailer park.
I'd say this is worse than that time when I realized that my favorite bath toy growing up was my Mom's douche bottle.
I got a job at a micro-brewery. Now who made the bigger mistake, them or me?
We just had to use a designated driver to get to night class.
Honestly, it's not that easy picking a Saturday night outfit that can translate to Palm Sunday mass. Priorities.
He used the expression "my couch is your couch" as a come on line.
I'm just gonna pretend you didn't ask me that. I'll sweep that shattered moment of our friendship under the shame rug.
So for St Paddys day I colored my junk green and got a little hat for him....wanna see it before I sober up....
The best thing about this time of year is that all I have to do is add a random mardi gras decoration to my cart full of alcohol and boom, no more judging
I found more straws in my beard this morning. Please stop doing that.
What type of bandaid should I use on my clit
How naked do you want me to be?
I'm eating an ice cream cone and pooping. Don't know how I'm gonna wipe.
If he ever pulls my hair again, I'm going to conveniently have lock jaw. Then he can decide whether pain during sex is still fucking appealing.
Randomize
