just did a line in a complete hula outfit off a chick in a devil costume. do you think hell will be this good?
my mom just informed me that i masturbate loudly
After I told my husband the docter shot me in the ass, he said - oh they can but I can't?!
I told him he didn't want "flip-flop extraction" on his medical history.
If we worried less about pouring champagne down stripper crack, we probably wouldn't skip so many meals.
Roommate is eating a chimichanga, watching Dr Doolittle 2 and weeping. His Tuesday hangovers make me feel better about my life.
Can I write your parents a thank-you note for your huge dick?
Seriously, I woke you up with tacos, I think I deserve the best girlfriend ever award
College: when you wake up drunk without pants and wearing a Cosby sweater
His penis looked like how I would imagine Satan's pinky finger.
Just because your gf gives mediocre bjs doesn't mean I can fill that void
So this is what it's like to wake up with someone else's blood in your nose...
Not gonna lie I just got drunk and started doing applications because I know I'm going into work tomorrow still drunk
My liver is screaming fuck you right now.
He can be a kind, caring soul but also give in to the temptation of eating unicorn ass.
Randomize
