i wanted to iron the shorts i'm wearing. but i'm high and lazy. so i'm using my hair straightener. in bed.
can we please take bets on how much therapy you'll need in the future?
So how many shot glasses of coffee grounds make a pot?
I'm so ready for finals. She finally agreed to skypesex me from spain so now i'm up until 4am studying every morning waiting for her to get online
You know you're on day 1 of your period when the new mcdonalds commercial makes you cry
Just asked my dog if he was proud of me for making it home. That drunk.
You can duct tape yourself to me so we dont lose you and you dont have to celebrate your birthday alone
You destroyed the landscape if my vagina FOREVER.
after she rolled over and said 'i'm so glad you're like my gay best friend, love you' then left. did i just get friendzoned AFTER sex??
I mean you would really have to try to not have fun at a party that doesn't require pants....
That is cause you are some weird type of mutant that lives off of Alcohol.
Plus who wants to live somewhere tom jerked off? No one.
fuck you I'm eating salad I can't be drunk.
I woke up with a twisted ankle and was covered in lube. Not entirely sure what happened last night
Like I fucked him in the shower at 3 am when I had classes all day the next day so he can't say I'm not dedicated
Randomize
