On friday while at the hotel bar by myself (creepy) I made friends w/ a millionaire who said he may be running for the position of mayor in richmond va (likely a lie). At one point during our discourse he asked if I was crazy. In the effort of full disclosure I looked him in the eye and said yes
I don't know what prompted his inquiry, clearly this man had impeccable intuition
why did u let me go home with him last night?
u were determined it was a good idea
We may have a problem that even dr. phil cant solve
i just walked by a road side game of beer pong? it's gonna be a long day
Out of all the people in the house to show their tits at mcdonalds to try and get free food, they picked those two?
We didn't want to make a pit stop so I just helped my husband pee in a bottle. No one told me this was part of love.
So my nipple piercings were only $20 because it's breast cancer awareness month. Fuck yes!
He kicked in the door just as I climbed on top of him...and stood there. I felt like I was in a porn. It was invigorating.
Unintentional and slightly frustrating adventures are basically all I'm good for. Expect heart palpitations, cheap food, and homeless men serenading us.
the dude in the apartments across the street got a video of me railing blake on your front steps last night
shit like this is why i dont let you drink vodka anymore ..
For the first time in my life, I may be the most normal person in the room.
Update: I am definitely the most normal person in this room. And the least tattooed.
You know what id love more than anything right now? ..a back rub while eating biscuits and gravy
I tried to take a cute nude but sneezed halfway through. I sent it anyway
I got my gum stuck on his balls.
I think you'll appreciate my way of waking up today: Under my cubicle, boxed in by boxes of printer paper, and hung over. I don't even know how the fuck I got in here in the middle of the night. I went to my car and fell back asleep. I'm now 2 1/2 hours late.
Randomize
