If facebook stalking was a job I would totally pown it
took 5 apple pie shots. caution: flames. not digestable.
Dude, you posted a cap of a porn to survey if it looked like me. That's pretty certifiably creepy.
I may do that, fyi I'm even more sore than I was yesterday. It's like the ghost of your dick is still inside me.
just explained the breakup in detail to my big toes. that consolation brownie was Amazing.
Made a visit to my old puking stall. I missed it.
Was that not clear on Friday when I nearly deapthroated two ice cubes?
Currently separating the burrito I just stuffed in my purse from the weed in my half smoken bowl that was already in it. My what the fuck moment beats yours.
Hah no, But it might feel like water boarding to my soul
i figure if i show enough tits, no one will notice my eyebrows.
I'm a terrible friend...i should have come right over instead of having sex for an hour and a half. :/ want anything from burger king?
I left myself a note saying 'buy a hamster but not an orange one like this pen'
omg so drunk
I think we should have a sex position advent calendar
you're telling me you don't want to have sex 30,000 feet above the earth?
I was left to my own devices with nothing to do but drink
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