I GOT MY PERIOD!
damn. i had names picked out.
im in class. still drunk. wearing one sock. eating a breakfast sandwich and trying to make sure this bottle of whiskey doesnt fall out of my purse in front of my professor
Well that's another check off the sexual bucketlist of things I never wanted to experience.
He put up a Facebook album attempting to sell off their Harvard furniture. Items for sale include: his friend, a broken lamp, an item described as a 'carpet and/or sleeping bag', a pair of paint stained cargo pants, size 'Tyler', and a self proclaimed $3 bottle of wine, which he is offering for $2
Im eating a cannibus peanut butter and jelly sandwich, while snuggling a stuffed animal. Either this flu is really really harsh or I'm some kind of stoner toddler
He put oyster crackers in his ramen noodles. Is that a thing? Because holy shit I had never thought of it before and if it's not a thing he's my new stoner hero for discovering it.
Btw I'm already known as the drunk roommate. Don't know if that's a success or a failure seeing as it hasn't even been a week since I've been here
Yeah, nothing like barfing into a grocery bag you just put dog shit into.
We work out, have really intense sex, and then eat cereal marketed for children. We have a system, okay?
Well my summer has already been productive. I partially caused a divorce.
It was just a matte of pubes and mustard.
I'll just go on tinder. Seeking strong male to help take apart ikea furniture and move. I'll touch your dick.
His dog ate the vibrator. The WHOLE vibrator. We spend the morning after trying to make it vomit up the battery. Why does this always happen to me?
Nothing like walk of shaming to the bus stop in your bar clothes at noon and seeing the fire truck you work on drive past with the other shift giving you thumbs up.. Brotherhood at its finest
In case you're wondering... Yes walmart will judge you for buying vodka and pickles at 645am.
Randomize
