you know when i was in school the girls definitely did not have the tits the 15 year olds have now. so unfair.
genius idea. im gonna paint my penis green like the serpent of sex
:O -> O: ... that's emoticon for "he threw up in my mouth while we were making out"
my new years resolutions dont apply when im drunk
Pretty sure I just became the first person ever to use the word "boner" in a wedding card...
I see you felt the need to carve your name in my kitchen table. thanks
Once two people had broken bones it had become a bulk hospital trip so we took the party bus
We got security called on us. Apparently the wedding down the street didn't appreciate the trespassing or our loud as fuck rendition of We Are Young.
I didn't want to hook up with him so I just jumped out of bed, yelled "I don't even believe in god!" and ran out of the room
MY WHOLE FAMLY IS TALKING ABOUT MY BUTT
WAIT I'M COMING I WANT TO TALK ABOUT IT TOO
we got stoned then he started showing me how to make his penis look like a hamburger...if that's not true love idk what love is
I'm a lady who knows what she wants in life, and that's uncommitted dick.
I hate who I am becoming
I think of it as growth but I also hate who I am becoming as well
Getting blackout drunk infront of my family was never on my bucket list, but now that I've done it I'm cool with it.
I threw up soo much that I started crying. Then his grandma randomly came in and started rubbing my back...
Randomize
