what kind of vibe do I give off that a guy i've never hung out with thinks its okay to send me a picture of his ball cleavage?
I plan on using my big titties for evil tonight.
I checked into jail on foursquare
Just got an Edible Arrangement my parents sent me for my birthday. Time to marinate some fruit in vodka.
Replacing day drinking with a real job was the worst decision I've ever made.
Woke up naked on my floor covered in cookies. We should celebrate fake hurricanes every weekend.
proof that my night is going well: I can still open doors
I'm cuddling with a baby pig and drinking champagne right now.
He just told me what he wants for his birthday. "a noise complaint" he also said he wants to be the cause of all the noise but he won't be the one making the noise.
Obviously he considers you not fucking him as fucking up. Thus making him fuck up. Based on this I believe he should be disqualified from the race to your vagina.
I was grinding on people that were grinding. Nonconsensual.
I think your high point was when the quesadilla was in your mouth and you were screaming "I can't chew!" and the Taco Bell guy just kinda stared at you like he wanted to strangle.
i asked him to talk to me in french while we fucked and halfway through i caught the word 'lasagna'. turns out he was making his grocery list.....i asked him to keep going.
I'm saying "I told you so" now so that I don't slow down to say it on the way to grab the fire extinguisher
You know you gave a quality blow job when you have to ice your neck and jaw the next day.
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