ok watching intervention on tv. when i hit rock bottom - i wanna be THIS chick.
I feel like i got beat with a pillowcase full of tequila shots.
Carry on my wayward bro, there'll be beer when you get low. lay your neon tank to rest, dont you rage no more.
You know i'm the father figure
Yeah the father who ate her out with me last night. Great dad
Between my sister puke and rallying at the bar and my brother sending a drunk passed out naked pic in which his dick was exposed, I don't know which sibling to be more proud of this weekend.
Eh maybe I should give her a chance. Let's see where making a porno takes the friendship
ON A SIMILAR NOTE MY DICK SIZE PSYCHIC SKILLS ARE SO GOOD
come home. I need you. I'm too hungover to deal with this hangover alone
I dressed up as a "typical white girl" which meant I wore my yoga pants and uggs all night. BEST. IDEA. EVER. Most comfy halloween everrrr.
Cool. I might be making a sickly but incredibly well dressed wine drunk appearance in a couple hours
Watching the Walking Dead, snuggled up naked, and drinking a beer. No better way.
If ever there was a tweet to describe your life, it's this.
He passed away peacefully doing what he loved to do best. Eating a pound of vodka gummy worms and failing at sex and the city trivia.
I was drunk, but not drunk enough to forget I had some dude on his knees begging for forgiveness.
Sunburned by dick at the nude beach. Bad. She tried to blow me. But. I. Just. Can't. Saddest day of my life.
I just convinced a telemarketer I live in a tree.
What did he say?
He still asked if I want a home security system.
Randomize
