dude, my own friends sent me home from a party last night. real cool assholes. real cool
you're the one who masterbates every night to the titanic soundtrack
And then she said "sorry if my vagina smells like fish, it's just active."
She fell asleep on the sidewalk and people starting using her as a hurdle
Nope. Can't afford girlfriends. Still looking for the 25 year old bisexual tripled who owns a brewery or a casino.. the search continues....
there is no amount of schooling that prepares you for when your morbidly obese 45 year old patient tells you she has her clit pierced.
Pretty sure I can show you the text you sent me stating some interest in my penis entering your mouth if said circumstances were met.
As the night goes on these shots are getting so much easier. My liver jst needed a warmup lap.
you were passed out so I asked you what my name was and you opened your eyes and yelled "ricotta cheese"
no way
that's when i decided you were gonna be okay
it's ok my mom asked me why i had a guys shirt on and also why there was chocolate all over my bra
I thought my sex drive was gone but let me tell you it is back with a vengeance
YOU RAISED A SWORD OVER YOUR HEAD AND SCREAMED AT HIM WHAT THE FUCK ELSE DID YOU THINK WOULD HAPPEN?!
MY HAND WILL BE UP HIS ASS IF HE DOES NOT APOLOGIZE FOR WHAT HE DID. IT WON'T BE THE GOOD-FEELING KIND OF "HAND-UP-ASS" EITHER.
Actually new year, new me. I haven’t had sex yet so technically I’ve been a virgin all year.
They call you PBJ boy because you were trying to seduce me with pieces of a peanut butter and jelly sandwich. Successfully might I add.
Randomize
