i just caught my roommate coming out of the bathroom half naked with a surge protector. he told me he didn't wanna talk about it.
I saw your purple underwear in the road this morning.
It's really too bad Cosmo doesn't have "What To Do When You've Drunkenly Sucked His Dick and He Doesn't Text You Back" article.
Oh i know my limit. 9 shots after i've given blood.
well its a long story but basically i overcame many cockblocks
Duuuude - Drag Queen Bingo wasn't supposed to end like thissss
Sadly him cutting me out of the duct tape dress was NOT the most awkward part of the night. It was a littleeee moist under there.....
Bathtub drinking tim. I have no pool so I work with what I have
Our friendship would be less complicated if your dad didn't think I was forcing you into having gay sex with me
I have to go buy generic plan b after work. I don't even leave for the new semester for another 11 days. I think I just leveled up in sluttiness
They wouldn't let me on the bull because I couldn't even sign my own name... She let me try 3 times...
I'm sorry I pissed in your bedroom and then woke you up when I tried to jump off the balcony
I mean, I'm shallow, narcissistic, and selfish, but I'm an amazing friend sometimes
Beer and Reeses. dinner of champions
I smell Vodka. It's me. If anyone asks it's totally hand sanitizer.
Randomize
