does your mom think i'm crazy? i just realized i played both the gay dad and the ex-jew card tonight. i blame the wine
I like bacon cheeseburgers and the pussycat dolls
Does that mean you want me to loosen up your buttons at carls jr?
Opportunity cost of getting to econ after a night on the town > marginal benefit of attending class
i just rolled a joint on the giving tree. that book has given me so much.
Just pulled back my covers. Jizz. Jizz everywhere. Hipster jizz everywhere on my only set of sheets.
YOU ARE TAKING ADVANTAGE OF MY INEBRIATED STATE
YOU ARE DRUNK AND USED AND SPELLED THE WORD "INEBRIATED" CORRECTLY. I AM TAKING ADVANTAGE OF NOTHING.
I CAN'T HELP THAT I'M MULTITALENTED YA FUCKER
If I don't have the money by then, I'll pay you in sex.
It's going to be 23.5 times of sex and 19 blow jobs. I just googled it.
He awkwardly handed me plan b on Pickens Street... it was like a sketchy drug deal.
All I know is I drank too much, danced too little.. yet somehow woke up on the floor in the arms of some cowboy.
You don't even know. The entire marching band thinks I'm an alcoholic.
I'm all set for mothers day, I let her beat me in beer pong.
Two of my roommates are waxing their vaginas in the living room. Can I come smoke?
He couldn't give me an orgasm, but he did give me a UTI.
He fucked the hangover right out of me. That good.
lord you gonna make me abandon my soup for tasteful catboy nudes
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