I hope you shit your pants in a socially devastating situation.
How do I tell my mom that she just went to the gym with my water bottle filled with vodka...
or how I got to mom's but there is vomit on my shoes. I never thought i'd be recapping with her.
I'm going as Jenn Sterger if she answered Favre's calls and ended up in a trash can. If I don't get laid tonight I'm going to be pissed
Something's wrong. My throat is definitely not in it's normal spot. Way too low.
I hope my tampon is in his bed. That'll teach him. Happy new years btw
He better be a good lay, these underwear cost $50.
I'm just sitting here drunk and eating peas because my life sucks
Waking up with cheese all over my clothes and my vibrator in my pants is a sign we drank way too much tequila last night
Hooray! My email address wasn't leaked by Ashley Madison!
I will chop off your penis
Idk I think he's weird but he's also from Wisconsin so that might have something to do with it.
Sooooo drunk. We had the best sex ever and after he looked at me and said "That's whats up". I looked at him weird and he said "Young Jeezy would say it" and passed out on me naked. I think i might be in love
Im four hours late for work AND i pissed my bed
I've been trying to fall asleep with ice packs covering my vagina for the last hour... Sorry for being vulgar. I'm going to kill myself.
You are telling me my dick tastes like a taco supreme?
I'm saying this "taco supreme" tastes like your dick.
Randomize
