I swear to god Optimus Prime and Megatron are fighting in my head right now.
At lowes after workin outside. Kid behind me says "mommy that man smells like a taco" yes she was talking about me.
i've been fucking this guy since february and just found out he might be uncircumsized. currently google image searching to confirm.
dibs on John Mayer's hood pass
i dont know what to do
with your life?
no, with my silly bandz, im already wearing 3
the trick is not to think about where her tounge has been.
How did I end up in the pool?!
Welcome to ASU
she gave me head while wearing a sombrero and told me it was her "welcome to south of the border" blowjob. i am never leaving mexico.
Discovered that a nalgene holds an entire bottle of wine. Going mobile. Come find me.
In other news I have discovered that grindr is the easiest way to get free meals
The only thing he had going for him was mad fingering skills. the ONLY thing. crayons have a wider circumference.
I just love that it's Veterans Day because I know in my heart that I have serviced some of their brethren in the dirtiest, hottest, most shameful ways possible.
No, I barely made it home last nite. Kept telling cab driver I live across the street from Susan Sarandon?? Thank god her coop addy is posted online.
Give it up bro. I’m not wearing pants or a bra and only an act of god could change that
Going through his web history. 10 hours ago he searched "how to put on condom with your teeth" I think I'm getting it tonight.
Randomize
