somehow, due in part to drug cocktail and alchl prior to meeting, i blacked out, got home, made total mess of kitchen, broke shower, and made 17 hard boiled eggs
the snow is so cold on my vagina.
why do you have snow on your vagina?
vodka and heels.
She was really sick last night--but i was too drunk to bring her chicken noodle soup after the bar, so went by taco bell and got her a chicken burrito instead
She's in Spain. I'm in Holland. World Cup Final is Sunday.
Dude, it's like the Romeo and Juliet of FIFA.
it's like a replay of two fridays ago...except not in a motel and i'm not having sex in the shower.
If taco bell and midol can't fix her, she's in gods hands now.
It's not that he's ugly its just that being blind folded makes everything less awkward
you were drunkenly making out with a 20-something in front of your wife. at least the guy your wife left with was decent looking.
Have bite marks on my arm where my temporary tat was Saturday night. Did someone try to bite Captain America or something?
One of the many mysteries surrounding the weekend...
Im gonna get home and destroy this bag of chicken nuggets with my soul.
then she lifted her dress, tweaked her own nipples, and then ordered another round for everyone. this place is wild at 9pm.
How do you delicately ask if your friend's dad was arrested for solicitation of prostitution?
His friend still there? Be like "I need to see both of your dicks ASAP"
All I remember is that I was trying to call my wolf pack by howling.
Sometimes I get confused on who I really actually know and who's lives I just know everything about via internet. Its a fine line
Randomize
