i met him on craigslist. and no i'm not a hooker.
woke up this morning with a pool of champagne in my purse. apparently i was saving it for later.
Just found out my brother beats off to Lauren Conrad. the Hills will never be the same.
im proctoring the SATs right now and im still drunk from last night. i really wanna tell these kids that this fucking test doest mean shit and they will just be constantly drunk once in college.
At this point do you think buying mom a pot plant would be funny or highly inappropriate?
My coke dealer 411'd my work number just to see how I was doing and gave me his new number. He must miss my business
Omg! I'm gonna have a heat stroke. I'm going to collect my sweat and drink it for a buzz and hydration purposes
found out that hot proper business chick in my class A) did a bar crawl last 2 night and still showed up to class and B) is 19 and C) so not as proper as I thought D) is single. How the fuck does that work? Freaking superwoman.
I asked for a steak knife but the waitress could see in my eyes it was a bad idea
We need large glitter to throw at people to signify our mystic nature
Fuck their feelings and their drinks they will get hit with sparkly confetti
You don't understand. There's baclava and there's post sex baclava. You can't compare the two.
Giving the guy pizza was a good idea. Leaving him naked on the pool table makes you my hero
i just thought a plastic bag was my cat. i just pet a plastic bag. that high.
I wasn’t trying, but work got a lot easier and more fun once he starred flirting with me and looking at my ass
It was just a hint of nipple. I kept it classy!
Do you even hear yourself?
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