I dont know if he should be happy or mad about it but he's too big for a blow job.
If I could have all the money back from the pregnancy test i've bought- I could buy myself a vacation.
Or a large amount of condoms?!?
I'd be a gr8 surrogate. I'm gonna love your fetus
I just sold some kid a bong I made out of a vuvuzela for $50. I think I found my career path.
Just walk straight and zig zag through cars tell you get to the road. That's where I am. Perpendicular to the doors do not make any turns
Instead of politely asking me to shave, he passive-aggressively left me a groupon for a bikini wax. So I passive-aggresively fucked his roommate. And his roommate didn't mind my bush when he went down on me. Anyway, do you want the groupon or not?
i sent you a picture of beads you send me a picture of boobs how hard is this to understand
Did I actually say goodbye last night or did I just poison you with vodka and disappear?
She asked the woman in the drive through to cover everything she ordered in mayonnaise, including here chilli cheese fries. Didn't happen. Then she started swerving at the car next to us screaming, asking if they had mayonnaise.
hey remember that mom you brought home from the bar last month... she is currently driving me back to her place. turning my phone off now.
Fuck these runners passing me on campus as I'm waking to dinner. With my huggie. With flavored vodka and rum. Aka yum
I'm dipping store brand pepperoni pizza in bacon flavored ranch dressing. Obesity tastes so good.
I'm putting my hangover kit in my car for the trip to work tomorrow morning. Dedication
For full disclosure: I told my roommates last night that you have a very clean asshole.
Apparently I drunkenly told him I was going to ride him to the rodeo and break him like a bronco, then I stole his nachos and beer. Adulting is hard!!!
Randomize
