That's what you get when you play shuffleboard drunk.
My mom found a condom in my purse
Correction: my mom found a used condom in my purse.
She went to the bathroom before i broke up with her so i changed all 2500 of her songs on her computer to "I'm a cheating whore"
it was great that she threw up because that made me the only one trying to hook up with her
You couldve had sex with 2 drunk chicks on an alligator slide.
he'll be my respectable boyfriend for tksgiving and i'll be his non-slutty girlfriend for christmas.
and then ....
he stays my gay friend and my parents think i'm not a slut.
Had to. She was getting married in 2 days & her vag was having a close out sale. You know I love a good bargain.
I dont think that yelling at the medic "Christmas is gone, fuck off santa" was the best idea when you couldnt feel your legs.
Im pretty sure at one point a very high you yelled, with actual tears in your eyes, "im not wrestling with you anymore, you dont respect my safe word!!"
Hey your work video crashed my computer. The 8 pornos running in the other window didn't. Congratulations.
At this point i guess a traditional, non-life-threatening pity fuck is too much to ask for
I am a murderer. I ran over so many baby frogs. I wanted to stop and pick some up to take home, but all I have is a wine bottle. I'd hate to explain that to a cop.
Exactly best part of my night he took of his shirt and surprise traveler fanny pack
What kind of sociopath goes to sleep at 9pm when I clearly need attention
Honestly, you can’t tell the whole sorority he has a donkey dick and expect that no one would sleep with him after you broke up
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