If I remember correctly, I may have been smoking a cigarette on the dance floor. This is the true sign of a douchebag in his native habitat...fmylife
my mom just walked in on me furiously masturbating while reading twilight. needless to say, im officially out of the closet.
i may or may not be watching the land before time
I woke up this morning with gum gluing my ass cheeks together..
I can't decide if I actually want to know or not..
You love me.
That's because, tragically, I adore whores.
im sitting in a tub with a sombrero on.. im just kind of confused.
I have a beer in one hand and a slim fast in another. It's another one of those wednesday nights.
Using that mug my little cousin painted for me as an ashtray for my weed...at least next time he asks me if I'm using it I can say yes
Dude, I fucked her last night with nothing but my bandana on. Like straight Indian chief style.
Well at one point he got ahold of my archery gear.. And I. Shit. You. Not. Sarah took an arrow to the knee.
You don't understand. This could be the last time I shave a star into my vag. Get over here.
I just finished packing for spring break, took me 4 minutes. To be fair though I only put my trunks, a pair of underwear, and 50 condoms in my bag.
But I put cranberries and apples in my wine so it's festive drinking not suicidal drinking
He texted me at 4:30 in the morning saying "I'm not drunk but I think you're beautiful" and then a facebook message at 6 am saying "hi" and the subject was "oh"
I'm eating dinner with his parents and my phone goes "MOVE BITCH GET OUT THE WAY!" Thanks.
Randomize
