Rylan was made in your driveway. Just thought, as godfather, you should know.
he quoted cool runnings while we were having sex: feel the rythm,feel the rhyme, get on up, its bobsled time
i just compared eating a chick out to "gargling a cheeto"
How far into the semester do we have to be before it's ok to get drunk in between classes again?
when i spit it made a heart shape. i think it's a sign
My dad walked in on me masturbating in my own apartment.....my own apartment!!
I looked up while we were having sex to see him covering my pillow pet's eyes with his free hand. I think I'm in love
Some guy in lab is humming along to a Sara Barrilles song. Or maybe I'm just hearing the song echoing in his huge, gaping vagina.
My liver just had a heart attack.
he kept opening the car door while we were ON THE HIGHWAY and insisting he could walk. next time i drive my boss home at 3am i'm putting the child lock on
I've been asked to reupholster their slam-couch so I found some off-cuts of medical-grade, hermetically sealed fabric. She'll be slammed upon for generations to come.
Like you know your sex life is in a downward spiral when your best friend offers to sext you from Ireland
What kind of present accurately says to my male suitemate "I'm sorry that I accidentally flashed you my vagina while I was super drunk"?
i don't know when underwear became an acceptable clothing choice for parties, but god help me i hope this isn't a passing trend.
It is like...the most transformative hard on I have ever had.
Randomize
