Why would I want to inherit a sex machine used by my grandma?
Whats the glycemic index on semen?
note to self..putting cheap vodka in a bottle of grey goose does not make it taste better
It's finally official that I am from Oklahoma. I'm currently sleeping with my ex-fling's brother.
how sketchy is it to eat a candy wrapped in masking tape from reggae night? because we totally just split it...
A guy with the name Pootie Tang winked st me and a guy that doesn't speak English messaged me. These are my choices?
guy next to me on the train just pulled out two bottles of gin and a block of cheddar. is slowly making his way through all of them.
I think anything that happens between 12 and 2 am is just sketchy enough to be a good idea.
It's amazing
I want to run hundreds of miles and do a whole semesters worth of homework while flying on a unicorn and throwing endless glitter bombs
It's 2:10 am I am sprawled on the floor of the kitchen drunk and eating cold chicken wings come help
My purse is like an anchor I can't move I am sliding around like an over turned turtle send help
This floor is really dirty send a maid if you can
I have to drop off my inflatable penis costume at the bar for my bartender. Do you think you could meet me there at like 630?
If you get laid dressed as my dad that makes me extremely uncomfortable
That moment when you're in a room with 3 guys and know how big their dicks are. Then you are married to the one with the smallest dick.
I wish period tracker had a "on this day" also so i can see who i was with this day last year.
Dog. I woke up between my ex boyfriend witch i'm currently fucking and his bestfriend spooning me in MY bestfriends empty powerless house still really fucked up. No one knows what happend.
Randomize
