It's a big world.....someone has to fuck it.
Just to save you guys the surprise, somebody shit outside of our door.
Nothing is more important than the last pool party of the season. Call in sick or gay or something.
My roommate made me a peanut butter and sprinkles sandwich. Maybe tonight isn't that bad
Idk he's just laying there passed out with a French fry up his nose and without any pants on. Boner and everything.
I can hear my parents having sex. I REPEAT. I CAN HEAR MY PARENTS HAVING SEX! THIS IS NOT A DRILL!
Your mom is 55 and has MS. To be honest, I'm proud of her, and you should be too, bitch.
I should just black out in my front yard again- that was a great nights sleep.
You don't have anything to lose--we've established that he's not going to murder you and he smells good.
He drinks vodka like healthy people drink water and I wanted to have his adopted gay babies. That's all. I'm going to go find him and potentially propose.
You don't know how much I love you. You could play Careless Whisper while we have sex and I'd still love you
I ran into cvs barefoot with my belt undone and shirt buttoned wrong and didn't even have to ask. The guy working pointed and said "they're back there."
That's how I look going for the pbr.
One day soon I'll learn the difference between a good high and way too high. Today is not the day.
I'm super depressed and stressed and I just want spaghetti and sex...
See I insist I'm not a groupie and then I say things like "will bang for a backstage pass".
Hurry I'm alone dressed like a prostitute eating French fries.
Randomize
