Would it be too much if i wore depends to new moon so i dont miss any of it?
ii just google-imaged 'sad turtle' and maggie gyllenhaal only came up once. what is the world coming to?
you used progresso chicken soup as a mixer last night
apparently "my dealer got arrested" is not an acceptable answer when mom asks "What happened? You look sad today"
u got into a flexing contest with a dude in bathroom in the mirror at the club
She really is something else.
Words cannot describe what though. The best way to describe her is to say it like watching a bear and a whale have sex. You don't know why it's happening or how. But it's rather funny and you can't look away.
I was about to share my drunken story from the weekend, but two friends getting married and one finding out she's pregnant makes Saturday in jail look a little suspect.
Say whatever you bloody well like; you don't know the true meaning of life until you have smoked to a Sade cd.
Welp, I just herniated a vocal cord during sex. How was your night?
Sorry for peeing on you and your bed last night.
handcuff keys just fell out of my bra....wtf happened last night?
National tequila day this year falls on a Monday. I've never been more disappointed in my life.
I have no idea what happened last night but I sobered up whilst showering with a mop.
You seem like the type to go to a craft sale baked out of your mind. I like you.
Ladies night is a gift from god. If it weren't for that, I'd probably be selling my eggs for booze money.
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