you tried to scramble eggs in my dryer last night. i want you here in 15 minutes to clean this shit up
He about cried when I ordered pizza online. He said it was a miracle.
so i just calculated it and i would need to score 150% on this final to pass
How do the people at CVS not know your living in their bathroom?
the cops didn't wanna shut the tailgate down but the strippers weren't allowed to take money without a license or somthing
Lets go see if some hobos will give us a prostate massage for a 40 ounce.
I drew a nude short fat middle aged woman today and liked it
It was honestly one of my favorite days in art class except for the 20 min she faced me and kept looking at me and we made eye contact
I like to imagine god has to get plastered to deal with the fact that he made you and me
We're Scorpios. We're like dogs rolling in whatever smells good to us.
How did work go after you told them you were in jail?
Great they tried to bail me out.
I feel like I should go door-to-door apologizing to America.
You put THAT much Jager in me and expect me to realize when things are a bad idea?
went to class still drunk this morning and my professor made the class give me a round of applause and said, "see people, THIS is inspirational... if she can make it to class in this condition there is no excuse not to show up!"
I made the antidote to the nasty cognac. I AM THE GOD OF MIXED DRINKS.
Nothing quite like spending your evening singing Shania Twain I Feel Like a Woman barbershop quartet Style with some homeless guys outside of Keyport liquor. love Shania Twain. How's your Sunday?
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