i threw up in over 4 different places last night. it was like a world tour
Ana's brother is visiting for the wknd. He came back to our place last night drunk to find me passed out naked it in the shower with the water still running. I was still drunk. We decided it was a good idea to have sex and sleep on the bathroom floor. Woke up this morning spooning and using my towel as a pillow.
Think I'm gonna go cougar hunting tonight... Any advice?
condoms and good judgment
Can I buy both of those at the same store?
the way i see it him paying 500 bucks for my fake abortion is karma's way of punishing him for cheating on his wife
I think i accidentally made vodka pancakes
You can't just send the picture of my vagina back to me, 2 months after we broke up, and make small talk out of it.
what kind of roommate is she really? she wouldn't even hold my hair back.
Fortunately for myself I'm twice as smart and half as drunk as everyone else. All things considered I'm leaving here three-to-five times richer than when I arrived.
Just puke out the sadness. Like a fuckin dragon.
Just walk of shamed past a 5 year old on my way out of my booty call. He waved at me. Is this the single life I've been missing?
The second I see you we're shot gunning beers
It's gonna be 8 o'clock in the morning
And your point is?
Marry me
Blocking me on Facebook doesn't change the fact that you've had my penis in my mouth. So there's that.
I woke up with jello shots in pant pockets so I must've had fun
I tried to get more sleep but the universe decided I needed a drunken freshman instead
Gary just stuck his dick in his Guinness. I can't even make this up
Randomize
